A Wednesday Affair

Malaika & Christina 

“And does it help? Talking to a stranger… about your problems?”
“It makes things feel like I have a place for them. Otherwise everything just shows up, out of nowhere when it wants to. In my dreams, when I’m getting on the bus, when I smell something that reminds me of home or someone from home. When my feet hurt from a long walk and I think about all of the long walks on land, through jungles, across roads, losing track of time. The talking, to her, it makes it like, it gives it a place. It gives me a place to put it. An audience maybe. Every Wednesday. It doesn’t make everything better. But it gives me space. Beatrice, she really listens to me.”
“I listen.”
“Did I say that you don’t?”
“You talk about her a lot.”
“I do not.”
“Every other word is Beatrice.”
“You almost sound a little bit jealous.”
“And you sound like you like her. Your psychologist.”
“I like that she listens and that I have one day each week to talk and to have someone who just listens. And I don’t feel bad telling her about it. Well not as bad as I thought I would. It’s a Wednesday affair.”
“So you admit it. You are having an affair with her?”
“You would like that wouldn’t you?”
“Why would I ‘like that’? If she wants to put up with your snoring, and watch Love Island with you I’ll move right out of the way.”
“The only reason why you love me second to Love Island is that I provide, no I am the excuse for you to watch it.”
“Hey I just watch it to keep the peace.”
“You get mad if I watch an episode without you! You make sure it’s paused if you go to the bathroom.”
“ A good girlfriend cares about what her girlfriend cares about. I get mad because I want to keep up with all of the things that really matter to you.”
“Then are you coming to church with me tomorrow?”
“You know I can’t go to church with you. Are you trying to kill me after all that we’ve been through? If I walk into a church I’ll burst into flames and you’ll have to clean up my ashes. And where are you going to put them? What are you going to do with them? What more will you have to tell Beatrice?”
“Girl, I don’t talk about you. Stop flattering yourself. Everything is not about you, okay?”
“ Now it’s getting good. Now the truth comes out. So you don’t talk about me to your cute, is she cute, therapist? ...I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It is... maybe helping me out. I didn’t think it could. I didn’t think I was that kind of person like the people here, I really feel like god told me to do it. I know you’re not a believer. Sometimes I don’t understand why you don’t believe…”
“I don’t want to argue with you about it. Even if it wasn’t about what happened, what got us here, the reasons we left, if I start from the beginning, if I start with him landing on the ground of our ancestors and deciding we needed saving the way they said we needed saving, I could not believe in him. I stopped believing in him before I was born. I just try to keep quiet about it for you. It’s your faith. It gives you strength. For me it only brings anger. Sorrow. I wish I had something to belie… I wish I had something to trust. I just want to trust us.”
“You can trust us. You know I’m never trying to force you to follow anything. Even me. What you believe in, that’s between you and god. But you can trust us. I’m not going anywhere. At least not voluntarily. Not willingly.”
“Well if they let you in this time, please go in. At least one of us should be allowed to go in there and live to tell the tale.” 
“We’re both wearing all Black. We’re being quiet. We look good,we look relaxed. If they allowed pictures everyone would want photos of us. Sometimes I’ve seen photos of people coming out of the club in the afternoon. We could be those people.”
“No thank you. I just want to see if it’s true or true for me. I want to see if I can dance all night with my shirt off, with you.”
“Junior said that anything goes.”
“Have you heard from him? He hasn’t been answering my texts or any of my messages.”
“He got the asylum.”
“Really?”
“Yeah they gave it to him.”
“That’s why I haven’t heard from him? ...What it’s true!”
“Don’t say that. I know what you mean but he’s not like that. Once you get it, it’s not like that’s it.”
“I know. I know. I’m just saying he started to change when we got here.”
“We all changed. Haven’t we?”
“ Not like him. He’s doing everything he can to make them, all of them, like him. I heard him recording a message in England, in English and he tried to sound like them. He deleted it and recorded it again. Just to make sure he sounded as English as possible. We’re not even in England.”
“You’re so judgemental sometimes.”
“I’m observant. I’m aware and it’s saved us, it’s helped us. Not all the time but I’ve been looking out for us, and most of the time it made a difference. I know it didn’t work with Grace,  but I really tried.”
“There was nothing any of us could’ve done then. But maybe you understand Junior? Maybe just a little? He’s doing what he has to do. He’s breaking off, away from us. It’s not personal. We have each other. Who does he have?”
“ He has us.”
“ But it’s not the same though is it?”
“ I guess it’s not. I don’t want to lose anyone. No one else.”
“ I know. I know. But we might have to. At least we know no matter what he’s safe here. We’re not losing him. He choosing to, if that’s what’s happening, he’s choosing to go his own way. And there are maybe, different reasons why he’s doing that.  Let him go.”
“Okay bye then..”
“You don’t mean that.”
“They pretend to want us here, those that bother to pretend. There are wars here too and a lot of them are the same. They’re just fought under different names but for the same reasons but they don’t even see that. And there are people against us. There are more people against us because we’re not Europeans and we can still meet a fist or… I hate that it’s so many different layers of dishonesty. Do you remember the woman with the red hair on the boat? The way her nostrils flared when the Aunties wanted to wash their clothes and their children’s clothes? ‘No we musn’t do anything because there are twelve of us and we are only prepared for five hundred of you’. I don’t mind other people being dishonest, even Junior, just don’t expect me to be dishonest, to play the game. Perform… Sorry.”
“For what?”
“You look so tired.”
“ I am tired. But not tired of you. Not tired of listening but hearing and not being able to do anything about it.”
“Well I guess it’s good that you have your Beatrice then.”
“She’s not mine.”
“ Did I ask you already if she has a girlfriend?”
“Please. We don’t talk about that. We don’t talk about her life. We talk about my life. And it’s good to do that, to meet Beatrice on Wednesdays and to talk to you, and to Junior and to god.”
“Did god tell you whether or not we’ll be dancing our way into the sabbath?”
“God told me that Im still stuck with you whether we get in or not.”
“What’s the back up plan?”
“Are you saying…”
“No! That’s not what I meant. Not at all. I meant, if we don’t get in what are we gonna do?”
“There are about six people in front of us and I don’t know, maybe fifty behind us. We still have to wait and see and then we’ll figure it out. Even though we look like twins, if you get in go for it.”
“No way.”
“But you told me that if I got in that you wanted me to go in. So if you get in, go in.”
“ Would they really separate us?”
“No. Probably not. As far as they can tell just looking at us side by side we’re the same person. If you don’t get in I won’t get in, but I hope they take us both.”

Written by Isaiah Lopaz, Anthology / Appendix 2021