Generations Of Similar Cycles Part I

Shelly & Chris 

“I don’t want you causin no trouble when you get out there.”
“And I don’t want you to be here. All by yourself with him.”
“I’m not gonna be… everything gon be alright. You the child. I’m the parent. You not sposed to be worried bout me. You goin abroad! Leavin the country!”
“Woo hoo! Why can’t I stay here mama? I don’t know no one out there. I don’t even know Auntie Tracie.”
“Yes you do. Don’t say that!”
“No I don’t! I’ve seen her like, maybe three times in my entire life mama.”
“You know her! Whenever she call she ask to speak to you and you, you talk. You two talk. And she send you letters and money and things.”
“I always talk to her cos you always make me talk to her. I don’t even know what to say sometimes, ‘Just like hi.’”
“Aren’t you just a little excited?”
“No mama. I wanna stay here with you.”
“Chile I’m gon be workin. I’m gon be workin every chance I get. I’m not gonna be here that much and you need, you need to see somethin different. See the world. I wish, I wish I coulda done somethin like that when I was your age. I mean you not even seventeen and you goin overseas!”
“What am I gonna do there? Hang out with Auntie Traci all day?”
“You gon mind your Auntie. You gon do… whatever she wants you to do, go wherever she wants you to go, and do whatever she has planned. You gon ask what you can do to help around the house and not have her waitin on you hand and foot. You gon respect her… companion. You gon practice your French. And, and, well you might even have some fun out there if you would just be open to it. And well… you gon have a lot of stories to tell when you get back after your summer vacation.”
“You don’t understand mama. I can’t tell people at my school that I even left the county. They gon think I’m lyin or tryna act like I’m bettern them. They already give me sh… a hard time, cos the teachers be callin on me all the time in class. Uh uh.”
“Well where do your friends think you’re goin?”
“I told em I’m goin to Mema’s.”
“Well… I guess I understand what you mean. Why you did that. You really should be packin your own bags.”
“Well I wanted to mama, but you said no. I wanted to do it.”
“That’s right I did. Wanna make sure you pack the right things. You’ll forget everything important.”
“Actin like I’m a child.”
“Well you my chile. My baby.”
“You keep sayin I can practice my French, but what they teachin us, I bet they don’t even talk like that out there.”
“What you mean they don’t talk like that out there? You got a excuse for everything. Chile, just get out there and see. Give it a chance! Can you do that for me? Just give it a chance?”
“Why does it have to be so far away?”
“I spoilt you. You rotten. How many people have an auntie that do what yo auntie doin for you? Huh? You gettin outta summer school…”
“I’m ahead mama I don’t need summer school. I could be here with my friends at the pool or kickin it at the park.”
“Or gettin into trouble. Huh?”
“Mama I told you, that wasn’t us. We wasn’t doin nothin. We didn’t even know those kids.”
“Chris… what you shoulda knowed was better than to be hangin round with kids like that.”
“Kids like that? Mama?”
“Yes, kids that be dealin. Y’all was lucky. I don’t want you… I’m not gon be here to watch you all the time cos I’m gon be working. It’s just gon be, it’s just gon be Anthony here… so …”
“When you not here, I ain’t here anyway. Mrs. Turner don’t mind if I stay wit them.”
“I know, I know you gon miss Ishah but y’all can write. You can write her letters and send her postcards. I love gettin postcards from yo aunt.”
“Ishah ain’t my aunt mama.”
“Did I say she was Miss Sass Mouth? All I said was you can writer her. Well, honestly this ain’t no debate. I know you gon miss yo friend but you either write to her or you don’t, but thems the options. The only options. That and yo callin cards. Ms. Uchie tell me they work for her to call her family, and she got family everywhere! You can call Ishah wit them but I hope you, I hope you gon call yo mama too from time to time. Give me some news bout what you doin, what you up to out there?”
“Yeah mama. I’ll call you.”
“And don’t run through them cards so that you have to use your auntie Tracie’s long distance. I don’t want you runin up yo Auntie phone bill.”
“I wish Ishah could come with me. She the only one… the only one who know.”
“Know what?”
“She the only one who know… she know, that I’m gon be out there.”
“Well she can’t go. Y’all gon have to survive the summer apart. Just like me and auntie Tracie use to, you know she used to go away every summer to South Carolina. That’s where her mama people from and they would send for her every summer. I sho did miss her when she left but I was also relieved. She had a, what she called a tuncle. Tuncle would come around to collect her for the summer and she dressed kinda like you, cept she didn’t look like she was going to the gym every day.”
“I don’t look like that either.”
“Well, sometimes you do.”
“That’s cos I’m not like you mama. I don’t have time to spend all day in front of the mirr… Sorry mama, I didn…”
“It’s okay baby. It’s okay. Well now, you got yo gym clothes all packed. You got your underwear, socks. What about yo toiletries?”
“I’ll pack em tonight. It don’t make sense to pack em now cos Ima need some of em later.”
“You can still pack em now so you all ready to go tomorrow and all you got to do is get out of bed. Get up, take em out the bag, what you need, get dressed, and go.”
“Mama! Can’t I just do it tonight?”
“You gon forget something.”
“No I’m not!”
“Ooh!”
“I’m not gon forget.”
“I don’t want you getting out there not havin anything so yo auntie Traci gotta by you everything. It’s not just what you need for a week or for one day. Take the extra stuff wit you too, so she don’t gotta buy you stuff like that.”
“Okay mama. I will. Can I ask you somethin?”
“Go head.”
“Alotta people, alotta people got a lot to say about auntie Tracie. Is that why she left?”
“You know how people are around here. They gotta a lot to say bout everyone and everything and it’s never anything good. You know, you know about Diana, don’t you? I don’t have to explai… You just… you might see some things that you not use to. Don’t be surprised and don’t, don’t judge.”
“What you mean mama?”
“I see you out the cona of my eye. You know what I mean. They love to talk about her, but they all got a picture of her, one of her pictures from some magazine or that record cover that she on. Everybody in this family got her hung up somewhere in they house. They all tell anybody who’ll listen who she is and that she part of they family. But when she was here the last time and it was clear she wasn’t gon llow herself to be nobody’s cash cow… well they showed they true colors then.”
“You coulda been a model too.”
“Ha! I don’t know about that. That’s Traice’s world. Not mine. This the world I live in.”
“Why she live out there?”
“You gone have to ask that yoself.”
“You don’t know mama?”
“Actually, don’t. Don’t ask her that.”
“Why not? I mean what’s wrong with… me askin?”
“Did I say don’t do it?”
“Yes mama.”
“Okay, well that’s what you need to latch onto. Don’t do it. There’s no, no particular… reason why but let her, give her a chance to get to know you better. To exchange some things bout yo life, and then you might learn somethin bout her. She might tell you bout stuff like that, but you the child and she the elder. It’s not polite for you to be askin her certain questions. I trust you to know which ones I mean too.”
“I won’t.”
“I wish you were more… excited bout yo trip.”
“Like you? Gettin rid of me!”
“Chile ain’t nobody tryna get rid of you.”
“Why can’t you come out there, just to visit me mama. I bet auntie Tracie would want to see you too. Y’all aint seen each otha since I was little.”
“With what money?”
“Auntie Tracie would get you a ticket to come out there.”
“That’s not the point. I said she ain’t no cash cow.”
“Isn’t the point is… that she could, she could take care of it and you could come out there to see me?”
“No that’s not it. She already doin a lot for you. Don’t you get out there and have her buyin you this, that, and everything else you here?”
“Yes mama. What you gon do?”
“I told you. I’m, I’m gon be working.”
“You gonna be… you not gon be lonely here. With him…”
“Again, I’m gon be workin every chance I get, and I’m gon be… everything’s gon be okay here. Just gonna miss you a little bit but at the same time, happy you gon have this adventure.”
“Did you make a decision about the ba…”
“I tell you too much sometimes Christian. Most of the time. I tell you too much and I shouldna told you bout that. That’s not for you to worry about. Either way, I don’t want you to… “
“But I am worried mama. I don’t want to leave you here by yourself with him, and if you decide you not gonna have it, I could go with you so you don’t have to do it alone.”
“I shoulda never told you bout it. That’s why you need to go out there. That’s why this was the right decision. Huh! I’m doin what my mama did to me. I’m making you a confidant. That’s not what you sposed to be. You just need to be a kid. I know you think you almost grown but I want you to, I want you to be a chile just a little bit longer and I want you to have this summer with yo auntie, and I want you to be carefree.”

Written by Isaiah Lopaz, Anthology / Appendix 2021