Rapid Transit Part II

Demelza & Victory

“I saw Solomon and the new guy, what’s his name? Wait, it’s like Keith or something? Yeah Keith. That’s his name.”
“Where did you see them? I ran into them at COS.”
“You shop at COS? Solomon shops at COS?”
“Ooh she think she better than me. Don’t be such a snob in your… is that Open Ceremony?”
“Tsch… Yeah, it is!”
“You so goofy.”
“Good lookin and goofy.”
“Girl! But anyway, I think I saw them there. Even when Harold was here, when he was still here. I mean I guess he was allowed to get treats, Solomon… but whenever I saw him and he wasn’t with Harold, he was always with someone younger than me.”
“Is he cute? Is the new guy cute?”
“Yeah… I mean in that kind of stupid way, like ‘Huh’? Like that kind of, dead inside look, that’s his resting face. He’s resting stupid face. Like the only talent he has is his gym bunny body. He probably doesn’t even know what to do with that, but I think Solomon likes it.”
“He misses Harold.”
“Of course he do. Girl I am waiting to see how long it takes for him to move to the UK.”
“He won’t do that.”
“See, I do not even understand why the fuck not?”
“Me neither, but he has… he has his reasons.”
“Can’t he just set up a practice over there? Is that what you call it? How do you say practice in English?”
“Practice. You can say that I guess.”
“You guess?”
“I’m losing my English. Gurl it is my third language.”
“Look at us outchea bein polyglots and shit.”
“They don’t really care when you speak African languages. It’s like it doesn’t count. Try telling them you speak Wolof at your next job interview. I might do it just to see what they’ll say.”
“Yeah it’s the same in academia too, unless a white man, an old cis white man can speak Arabic or Hindi.”
“white people are always impressed when they can do it. Anyway, you’ve got eight languages to my… my five.”
“Girl you better catch up.”
“It’s not a race Demelza. Besides… what other language do I need to learn?”
“Um, your girl’s Portuguese. I love when she speaks that Brazilian. I want her, so be good to her or I might take here. Don’t fight me.”
“Yeah, me tryna picture you and her… that helps me have zero motivation to fight you.”
“I could take your girl anytime I want.”
“What about your man? Your Germaine?!”
“Oh he so cute. My man. I luh him.”
“You two are really cute. I was laughin so hard at the play by play you sent me when you met his parents.”
“I gotta say girl… merci for being there for me. I was so nervous. My dad said he would go with me.”
“Oooh!”
“Okay, I have never heard you squeal like that.”
“I can’t help it. That’s really sweet.”
“It is… and I appreciate it, but you know, I wanted to face her on my own. I didn’t want him to go with me, and have her act a certain way because he’s there, and then when it’s just me an dem, she act differently. She stared a lot. I didn’t know what exactly she was staring at. I guess know why… why she was staring. I told Gregor he was gonna have to do the 101 courses for her.”
“Good.”
“I’m not there to do that work..”
“How do you feel about how things went?”
“You know… she tried. Not like she tried it, but she tried to keep an open mind.”
“Phew… an open mind? I hate that shit.”
“I wanna say it doesn’t matter. It’s the same fight I have walking out my apartment everyday, but it’s not because, out of nowhere I found this man who I was like, are you, is he, is this fo… you know? And, he was so sure from the beginning. It’s not always easy, but I work with him because he tries. If she wasn’t cool with us dating, then I don’t know how it would be because I don’t want someone to lose their family. Like I never wanted that. Why would I want that, to be… not the reason, but like, to be used as some kind of excuse? To be thought of like a wedge between people?  And he was telling me how open she was because she had adopted him and I was like really sweetie? That’s cute that you think like that, but the world does not spin in that direction. That’s also why it’s alotta work sometimes, because you know there’s raised by wolves, and then there’s raised by white parents. Now the white savior shit? That shit came out a little bit. He has so much that he better let go of and so much to unlearn. She was like, his mom, tell me about what you do, your work, and I was thinking ‘Oh no honey you cannot handle this. You ain’t gon be able to take it.’”
“You look soooooo happy.”
“I think I am happy. I think things are… it’s hard to say to anybody who ain’t really been through it. I can’t say I didn’t see this for myself, and to be clear, I’m not just, or I’m not even talking about Gregor. I saw it for myself. I knew, I said to myself, I will go out and get it, I just don’t know if they’ll let me, I can’t even say earn it, but fight for it. My dad accepting his daughter and saying fuck you to allota people, my mother not understanding what I was going through as a child but always encouraging me… like, that, and my belief in like myself, that helped me to fight, and now I’m defending my PHD next year girl!”
“I know. I lost my best waitress, but you had a good excuse and it’s for a good cause… I guess.”
“Now she can be your best customer.”
“You have to have the graduation, I mean the party at the restaurant.”
“Really?”
“You know I’ll be mad if you have it somewhere else.”
“I don’t wanna see you mad.”
“It’s funny. I feel so happy for you. It’s like I feel like I’m smiling with everything I have.”
“That means a lot to me Victory.”
“So you gon let me get the check?”
“No! Let me take my ole boss out. Let’s just get everyone together, outside the restaurant. I’m proud of you. This is a real day off for you. I can’t believe you haven’t been to the restaurant. You’re makin time to see people and I love that, cos you are the hardest working person in this city and I know you don’t have time like that. But let’s get everyone together. Sonya, you, Solomon, Dumb and Fit, ooh, ooh you gotta invite Charlene, Gregor’s gonna be there of course, and invite that Black Russian woman. I booked an appointment with her, cos I wanna wear my hair in braids, like yesterday. What’s her name again?”
“Kira. Her name’s Kira.”
“That’s right. I really like her. Is she with someone cos I know somebody who’s also, I don’t wanna say older, but her age, who she might like. They would get along really well.”
“Uh, I don’t know. I think she’s busy living her life I guess.”
“Like all of us.”

The Neighbor Victory Tabitha & The Police Officer

“Do you live here?”
“Pardon? I don’t speak English.”
“Engl… German? I said do you live here?”
“Oh you don’t speak French? I’m just going to pretend like I don’t speak German or English. I can do this for hours, or you can move out of my way so I can get into the building. How long are you gonna keep this up? Cos I can do this all day.”
“Why are you here?”
“Bitch that’s not really your business, but I’m just going to shrug my shoulders and shake my head. Finally! I love making you feel stupid. I’m so tired of this shit.”
“Oh it is you. I was like who’s knocking on the door. Did you buzz? I didn’t even hear it?”
“Hi. No, I just… one of your neighbors opened the door, and I just came in.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. Just a, just a long day.”
“Come in.”
“Thanks.”
“Come through. Here, let’s sit in the kitchen.”
“Wow…”
“Wow what?”
“I remember when you moved in here and just had that Ikea couch, the table we found on Reichenberger strasse, and your mattress, and now look at this place? The plants, the macrame, the rugs. Chic!”
“I’m tryna be like you. Yeah you haven’t been here for… I think it’s been like two years. It’s been a minute. I think it has been that long.”
“No, it hasn’t been that long has it?”
“No, I think that’s right. The last time you were here, we were still kinda…”
“I mean… we still meet up.”
“Did I say we don’t? I’m just sayin you haven’t been here in two years. Things changed. They got more cozy. I made it a home.”
“Is it gonna become a family home?”
“Sit down. Sit down. Do you want something like tea, or… I have grape juice.”
“Grape juice?”
“Yeah. What’s wrong with grape juice?”
“Do you have crackers too?”
“Yeee… oh you’re tryna be funny. See, I was just about to look for some. I was like, yeah, I think I have the cheesy pumpkin seedy crackers. Seriously though, what do you want? Tea, juice, water, coffee? I can make coffee if you want.”
“Water’s good.”
“Okay. Ugh, lemme sit down. Water it is.”
“Here I can pour. You want some?”
“Yeah thanks.”
“How are you uh, how are you feeling?”
“Scared. I feel tired, I can’t do too much, but I’m mostly just scared. Not about having the baby, but having this baby.”
“That’s normal right?”
“I don’t know if it’s normal or not. I wanna be like ‘Yo, I got this’, but I’m more like ‘How am I gonna do this’? And how am I gonna do this alone?”
“You’re not gonna be alone.”
“So I can bring the baby to the restaurant and you’re gonna help me take care of him?”
“No. But only because you didn’t make me the baby’s godmother.”
“You can be as mad as you want to about that, but you know why I asked Sonya to be his godmother.”
“Yeah, she was really like ‘Oh’?”
“I know. I bet she was, but I always liked her. I liked her for you. I still do. But I…”
“Yeah, it was… ha, it was a lot. She’s a lot sometimes.”
“But like, in the best way though. She did not like me in the beginning, but like, I just… at least, I knew that. She didn’t try to hide it, she was chill, she was cordial, but she was like ‘Nah bitch’.”
“Phew. That’s her. That’s Sonya.”
“But look at how far we’ve come. She does know you’re here though right?”
“Stop!”
“I mean, I can, we can laugh about it now. Come here. Come stand over here.”
“No, I… I don’t feel like it.”
“Stop it. Come on! Come here. Victory! Come!”
“Hhhhhhh. Fine.”
“Smile. Smile Victory. Do it. There! Oh I shoulda stood up and made one with the bump, but… there. She has it now.”
“Can I go back to my chair?”
“Wait. Muah.”
“Ew it’s wet. You slobbered all over me.”
“My lips are just wet from the water I drank. That’s it.”
“Well wipe em next time.”
“Did you hear that? Is that someone at my door?”
“I heard it. Yeah? Should I…”
“No. No. Wait, let me get it. Hold on. I definitely didn’t hear the bell this time.”
“I didn’t hear it either.”
“Tsch. What? It’s two police officers.”
“What?”
“Hello.”
“German or English?”
“I don’t understand why you’re asking me that, but how can I help you?”
“Okay you speak German. So it’s yes. We received a call from your neighbor and she said that there was a suspicious woman who followed her into the building who she saw come into this apartment and we wanted to see if everything was okay. Was it you miss?”
“What? This is crazy!”
“There’s no need to shout. You can lower your voice miss.”
“I’m about to start shouting. Does it look like someone broke into this apartment? I don’t understand what you’re doing here? This is a waste of not only your time but my time too.”
“Calm down. We know that there have been some break ins in the area, therefore we came to make sure that everything was in order. Do you live here miss? Are you… Frau Bachmann?”
“Yes. I am Frau Bachmann.”
“Do you have some identification?”
“Is he really asking you that?”
“Do you have identification?”
“You want me to show you i.d. because I followed a neighbor into the building?”
“Suddenly she speaks German!”
“You?! You called the police?”
“I’m so confused.”
“I asked her why she was standing in front of the building. If you invite people over you need to explain to them that for security reasons, they need to contact you, you need to let them into the building yourself. A stranger should never follow me into the building or expect me to let them in. That’s not the way it’s done!”
“Miss, can you please stand over there?”
“Officers I’m the one who called and I’m just telling you what happened. I tried to ask her what she was doing but she pretended first like she couldn’t speak English. She spoke in French and then she pretended like she couldn’t speak German and now I hear her speaking German to you.”
“I don’t have to speak English to you or German. I also didn’t have to tell you what I was doing here. That’s not your business.”
“Miss, she does have a right to know. She lives here and you don’t.”
“She legally has the right to know? Is that what you mean?”
“I think you know what I mean?”
“Hey! Hey!”
“Please don’t shout miss.”
“Then I need you all to listen. There’s nothing to report here. There’s no crime that’s been committed. We’re busy, and if you don’t need anything else from us we’re gonna go back to what we were doing. Okay, no crime. No issue. Okay bye.”
“What the fuck?!”
“I don’t understand what just happened… like what?!”
“We were both at the door at the same time, but she was going into the building so I was, I was trying to get in too, not thinking that it was gonna be a problem at all. She started speaking to me in English, because you know, we don’t speak German. The Blacks don’t speak German. Then when she tried German, I was like, let me just confuse her in French.”
“Uggghhh. That was really so extra. She called the fuckin cops. Seriously? She called the fuckin cops here for that? What the fuck is wrong with her?”
“I’m sorry Tabitha. I didn’t know being ‘defiant’ was gonna lead to an episode of COPS Berlin.”
“No… it’s not your fault. Don’t apologise. Don’t worry.”
“It wasn’t worth all that. I shoulda just let the door close and pressed the buzzer.”
“Tsch! I don’t know what that was. Well we do but… There’s been some break ins but she didn’t have to do all that. If she knew to tell the cops you were here, then she saw me let you in. So I don’t… I don’t understand why she did all that. Are you okay though? Sorry about that.”
“Yeah. I’m okay, I didn’t mean to cause unnecessary stress. I shoulda thought about that.”
“Though about what? That she was gonna do all that? How do you… how can we anticipate shit like that, that she was gonna go there? Unnecessary is a good word for it. It’s always gonna be so unnecessary. That’s also a part of the stress maybe. You know it’s unnecessary, and how do you plan your life around these constantly, unnecessary events? I’m so tired”

Garance & Victory

“I don’t think Baba’s making it up, but… me telling him to go home and deal with it, is me allowing the little girl who caught her mother crying in the car, or over the kitchen sink, to tell him that if it’s true, ‘You made your bed, so lie in it'. I have other things to do besides feel sorry for an old man who won’t own up to the mistakes he made and the damage he did. Nope! I don’t have time for that.”
“At least you let him cook and spend time with Kojo and Gaelle.”
“I let him cook for me, and then I send him off to deal with maman’s ghost or his guilt or whatever it is. He did that! He knows everything. You can’t tell that man anything, so you go deal with it. Handle your business. I mean, I don’t know how that sounds…”
“Sounds like you’re tired and that’s okay.”
“So, one question. If this is your day off, why are you at the restaurant?”
“Because all days off lead to me being here at some point. There’s always a reason, always something. Working for yourself… all days off lead you to taking care of something. Taking care of business.”
“Oh poor you. After the tragedy that was our home life, you moved to Europe, gave the finger to the corporate world, and really put that degree of yours to work, for yourself. I would be proud of you if I didn’t have to listen to you whining the three to four times a year I get to hear from you.”
“Our home life was a tragedy?”
“You’re only nineteen months younger than me. You didn’t miss much, so you know that’s what it was.”
“I know it wasn’t like the Brady Bunch… but we were all together and baba was there and...”
“You sound just like him.”
“Ye… yeah maybe.”
“Just like him.”
“I do not! No I don’. When I say that I mean, we had food, clothes, shelter.”
“Yeah and those things were nice, but we also lived in a house with two people who had a lot of problems, who had a loveless marriage.”
“Really? Loveless? I know it’s not just about things… That’s what I tell him too but we had the basics!”
“Jesus City!”
“What?”
“It’s so hard to talk to you about family stuff… because… I don’t have any memories without you but you, when we talk I think we lived in the same house, under the same roof but it’s like you lived on your own planet.”
“I don’t think of things being as bad as you, you remember everything. Like their marriage. They loved each other. Was Baba a good husband? Only maman can say that. She can judge him. We saw what we saw but, we couldn’t see everything.”
“That’s what I’m saying. I’m saying what I saw wasn’t… it wasn’t good. It wasn’t… I knew, that’s not how it was supposed to be. I’m hard on him, but if she was still here and if she came to me, I would tell her, with a lotta respect on it, that she… oh I don’t know if I could tell maman what I really think. She would be like, even if she asked, ‘Know your place, this ain’t it’. You know how she was, but I think a lot of how I feel, missing her, the grief that I feel, I feel bad because I wish she just packed us up and left! If she stayed with him at all because of us, or maybe I should say, should speak just for me, but if she stayed for me, like no thanks. I don’t think it was just us. There’s more to it than that, but after he cheated on her it was over. She was trying to stay with him, I think, because she felt like that’s what she had to do. If Lionel cheated on me, I would leave if I, if I couldn’t just let it go. What’s the point of staying then? Gaelle and Kojo would learn that things don’t always work out and you have to know how to take care of yourself.”
“The way you remember things…”
“Well, to be fair, I think you had your own shit to worry about it. I don’t know what it’s like to be, to be in hiding. Maybe that’s why you didn’t see everything, the way that I did.”
“Maybe. You think you could stay with Lionel if he cheated?”
“Phew. I think… I hope, because as far as I know it hasn’t happened yet, so I’m speculating, but it depends. It happens. Like, the system is outdated. Lionel might get close to someone at ballet practise, there might be a flirtation or attraction and he might do it. I think I would just want to, I would need to know why. Like why did he do it.”
“Why do you think Baba did it?”
“Cos Baba likes attention. That woman paid attention to him, and it wasn’t because maman wasn’t paying attention to him, it was just that Baba craves attention. Even here. Even now. He does what he does because he wants to be seen. He wants to be liked.”
“Where do you think that comes from?”
“I don’t… I want to say, I have sympathy for him. I know he’s been through, he’s survived a lot. I do want to keep that in mind, when I’m ready to drag him. I think it’s that, that the need. The need for more and more. The attention.. some of it at least, it comes from a place like that. I think that woman liked the attention too. They must of fead off each other”
“That woman?”
“Yeah… I’m angry with her, because she pretended to be a friend of the family. So… I think it’s coming from, from being… she lied to maman, but she lied to everyone. I think it was ego too. I also think that like every parent, no matter how much you know about them, there are things you don’t know. There are stories they don’t, they won’t tell. Maman too.”
“I was at my, well she was never really my girlfriend, but I was at a friend’s place earlier and she’s gonna have a baby. She said she’s scared.”
“If she wasn’t scared, I’d be scared for her. She should be just a little bit scared.”
“Oh, she is… but I don’t know, now I’m thinking what are you gonna tell Gaele and Kojo? Are there stories that I know about, but that they’ll never know? Cos you won’t tell them?”
“Are there things I won’t tell them… yeah? Of course. We’re not our parents. I don’t think I’m parenting them with Lionel the way we came up with Baba and maman. I’m not trying to be friends with them the way Baba tried to be with us. I’m not distant like maman could be. I mean, maybe distant isn’t the right word because she loved us and she was always there for us, but there was this chasm. Dad wanted to be our friend. Maman was a mother. A mother figure, she played a role. With my kids, the approach is showing them that I love them but also being a parent and all that that entails. Like I love you, but you need to do what I tell you to do and we are not friends. I don’t know if I’m doing it, I don’t know if it’s right, and I don’t know if they’re gonna be okay. Sigh. Me and Lionel just out here doin our best with them.”
“Are you okay? I’m asking because I do get it even if, even if we didn’t really talk about it… that you weren’t okay when it was all four of us.”
“What I think is that I… should keep seeing my Black lady therapist cos that shit is working. I think I’m mostly okay because I know that I have work to do, and I’m getting insight into how to do that work. So, I think I’m okay. Life is life to me. I’m here, if that makes sense. I’m fully present with some illusions, some distractions. Some frustration. Some pain. Some unfulfilled desires.”
“What you just did… I don’t have the language for that. I wish I could do what you just did but I don’t speak that language. And I don’t have the time to learn it. I’m just going from one day to the next. I get so much of it wrong. Like right now, it’s all wrong.”
”Yeah… and I guess that’s how it is sometimes. Sometimes it’s just wrong? Wrong til you get right.”

Written by Isaiah Lopaz, Anthology / Appendix 2021